Tears for Ryan
Last week I attended a student assembly at my oldest daughter’s middle school. And I know you’re wondering what middle school has to do with your experiences at elementary school but in this case there’s a very sad and dangerous connection.
In this presentation I listened to the heart wrenching story of a father (who wasn’t that much older than me) whose son committed suicide in the 7th grade. Standing in front of hundreds of 6th and 7th graders was a man who showed a slideshow of his son Ryan and told us about his childhood and what a happy kid he was. He had loving parents and good friends.
And after a few minutes Ryan’s dad told us about the morning he got the phone call telling him Ryan had killed himself. Words that no parent deserves or expects to ever hear in their lives.
So what went wrong and why am I writing this sad story?
Because Ryan was tormented by bullies year in and year out, starting in the 5th grade. He had difficulties academically and he wasn’t a gifted athlete, so that made him a target.
The scarier thing is this bullying was emotional and verbal, not physical. Ryan wasn’t getting in fights everyday but he was being made fun of, called names, and had rumors circulating about him.
No child, no matter what age, deserves this.
How your children are treated – and how they treat OTHERS – in elementary school is vitally important to how they will grow and develop relationships with other peers. This isn’t boyfriend/girlfriend relationships…I’m talking just basic social interaction with other kids their own age.
Children learn different behaviors almost from birth. Parents are the first and most important teachers because children tend to imitate the behaviors they see most often. If they are home everyday with a parent or caretaker who exhibits bullying type behavior, most likely the child will think it’s OK to treat others the same way.
If teachers do not have consequences for bad bullying behavior in the classroom, that silently teaches the child s/he won’t be punished for being rude or hurtful to other kids.
If school administrators don’t have strong and swift consequences – or in some cases, if they never hear about the classroom bullying incidents – the bully continues to learn s/he is “above the law” or “untouchable.”
You get the idea. The time to teach kids how to respect others starts at home at a very young age. By the time they’re starting middle school it’s very difficult to change 11 years worth of behavior conditioning. Not impossible but certainly not easy.
Thankfully I didn’t see any students laughing or joking during the presentation; the cafetorium was silent. And there were many boxes of tissues being passed from row to row, with both girls AND boys taking handfuls to keep the tears at bay.
And after reading some of the guestbook entries on his website, it appears that Ryan’s dad touches many, many students on a daily basis with his presentation. Yes, he has dedicated his life to spreading the word about Ryan and his experiences in the hopes of preventing another teen suicide.
He’s a much stronger person than I…
I’m sorry for the downer of a post but I have honestly thought of Ryan and his family every single day since that assembly and I hope other students in my daughter’s school think of him as well and learn this priceless lesson.
Parents…please do not consider bullying a “rite of passage” or “kids just being kids.” Circumstances are drastically different from when we were young and no one has any right to threaten harm to or make fun of any child.
You just don’t know what affect those words can have on a child.
To learn more or to schedule your own school assembly, please visit http://ryanpatrickhalligan.com
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